While I have written a lot about parenthood that solely talks about mothers and babies, I have overlooked the involvement of fathers. Just as women step into motherhood with a whole new set of transformations, so do the men. But it’s easy to blame them, because they don’t seem to be able to process the simplest of things that women tell them. Yeah, just read further…
My husband has been near about perfect and with acceptable flaws, you know how it works, both the partners’ flaws go hand in hand, kind of like a balancing act. But once the baby came, I busied myself into my new role, studying the entire process of babyhood, keeping my wits intact for a demanding baby that seems to grow more demanding as he grows and worrying about his future every single day.
Where is the time to actually look at what the husband is going through? Immediately, after the birth of the baby, I don’t even recall if I had actually checked on how my husband was feeling or looking after himself for pretty good months. Of course, I wasn’t to be blamed. You can blame the baby,pah. Poor little thing, baby was just doing baby job. Crying, eating, sleeping and more crying.
So anyway, here we are, a year later, now entering the phase of toddlerhood after battling through babyhood. There were a number of scenic adventures, I must say. The other day, I was just making rotis for my groaning tummy while I asked my husband to keep a watch on my 13 month old son who would do anything to grab my attention. He just needed MOMMY. But I wouldn’t give up. I demanded that my husband be able to distract him for a while. Poor chap tried every trick but nothing pleased me because the baby was tugging at my legs.
That’s when I said, “How can you not know what to play with the baby? I play with him all day. Can’t you just take care of him this few minutes?” And that’s when the image of being a near-about-perfect-husband starts breaking. I wanted a husband who can look after the baby just the way I do.
And my complaints don’t end here….
“My friend’s husband takes care of the baby for a whole two hours. Why cannot you do the same?”
“You have to get creative and play with him. Use your ideas.”
“Just feed him dinner. Why can’t you have some patience?”
“I am doing all the house work and taking care of the baby as well. All you do is sit in front of the laptop and now the TV.”
“If he is crying, do something to make him stop. I am in the kitchen, can’t you see?”
So yeah, there it goes. I become the mad-screaming-lost-my-mind wife when I see my husband struggling to get a t-shirt across my son’s neck but lately he succeeded, what with umpteen failures. And then one day, he called up from work and said he would be late for dinner, probably not even for dinner time which meant I would be with the baby for a whole 12 hours from morning until night.
Now, now, don’t get me wrong. Just like all mothers, I love being with my baby, he is the apple of my eye after all. But getting off each other’s throats for a few minutes does a lot of wonders to both of us, which is when we are desperately in need of ‘DADDY’. But daddy doesn’t come home one evening.
It finally sinks into me how important a husband can be, and sometimes just his presence can help things move along. I know it’s easy to say ‘mothers are the first teachers for their babies’. But so are fathers, in their own way.
Daddy job –
1. Hear all criticism from mommy and pass it through the other ear.
2. Try hard to deal with the baby but baby can be uncooperative at times.
3. Understand that mommy can be crazy a lot of times but she’ll be fine soon.
4. Play with the baby in best possible way at least for fifteen minutes.
5. Never comment on the food even if there is no salt in it. :P
6. Listen. Listen. Listen. Mommy will be happy if you just listen.
7. Never judge mommy’s parenting skills. It’s dangerous for you.
Well, for all the husbands who have turned fathers out there, I think you all are the best fathers and you deserve credit for whatever that is you do.
Cheers to the fathers and near-about-perfect husbands!!!