Pregnancy Blues!!!

I haven’t been blogging much these days and that’s because new changes are taking place inside of my body. Well, growing a human being means a lot of things because everyday is new and different. Very often, you find yourself tracing back to the time of the first pregnancy and find that things are so much different because of the way you look at the days.

Of course, I ask myself quite often when I look at my active 4-year-old jumping up and down on the couch, screaming on the top of his lungs as to why I would want to add more noise and madness to my life by bringing another little human? I trace back my memory to the moment when just a few months ago I had started longing for the touch of a baby. Instead of simply watching some baby videos on YouTube or cooing over a friend’s baby, I decided to have one of my own. Pinch me!

Or perhaps, I am so used to the madness that a child brings along that I simply decided to add more of it into my life. Because hey, who wants a life where you can finally breathe in peace, binge watch on favorite shows, listen to great music, sleep with an 8-hour schedule, head outside for walks and have the bed to yourself without having to fight? Pah, that sounds boring to me.

So that’s me there, musing quite often about the things that I am doing to myself but hoping truly that in a few years, all the madness and craziness will make sense. I really hope it does!

What amuses me most is that the first time is always the time when you are downright obsessed with getting things right. And the second time, you are usually letting things take its course. The first time I carried my older son, I was obsessed with feeding myself fresh meals every couple of hours because my baby deserved the best and nothing else. Surely enough, this time, I have been feeding myself things that are edible and safe but stored leftovers are a big yes too!

The first time is even more beautiful because you have your spouse all to yourself. Ahh, I miss the time when I could simply ask my husband to rub my feet at nights after carrying all the extra weight around. So, a couple of days ago I was just going to call my husband again for a feet-rub because I deserve to be pampered, my pregnancy brain reasoned with me. And there goes my toddler already in front of me in line with his list of demands which my spouse had to fulfill right away. Right, so the second time, you don’t get a fair share of pampering, I groan as I put myself to sleep.

Sleep is just a beautiful dream when you have a baby actively kicking your belly and a toddler that is active outside of your belly, demanding that he use your pregnancy pillow. But that’s my pillow, I reason with the toddler who stares into my eyes and simply says, mommy, you must SHARE your things. I sigh and puff as I struggle to claim my pillow in the wee hours of the night.

I have always enjoyed eating during the first pregnancy because that’s the only time when you don’t have to worry about putting on weight because hey, you are eating for two and you might as well binge on eating your favorite stuff. I am just stepping inside the kitchen thinking about treating my cravings with a large bowl of ice-cream topped with chocolate chips and cherries when my toddler is already trotting beside the refrigerator as if he is reading my mind. He says, mommy, I am hungry. Can I eat ice-cream? I look at him defiantly and say, but I am pregnant, and I deserve the ice-cream. He stares at me as if I am a mad woman – I really don’t get that and I just need ice-cream NOW.

The second time is more different because it’s not simply about you anymore. And perhaps, that is what makes it more delightful. The moment when my son hugs my tummy and asks if the baby is kicking is perhaps the most beautiful moment. And that is when all my qualms about the future-sleepless nights melt away as I remind myself that this moment is all that matters!