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Private Space

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You know that space where nobody, literally nobody, can enter or peek inside. You know that space that is reserved just for you. That space which begins to take form and meaning once your turn four or five. Mine took awfully long to exist. Still don’t know what I am talking about? It’s your mind!

That’s the only private space we are entitled to keeping of our own. It’s where you can fill up thoughts – gossipy thoughts, revengeful thoughts, worrying thoughts, good and happy thoughts, super private thoughts (which I will let your mind fill with whatever you like).

Ever wanted to peek into a mommy’s head to see what she does in her private space? I’ll tell you, because, as I see it, my private space, is not private anymore. I’ll tell you how this happened.

I wake up at 6 am to complete silence. Randomly, this thought of goodness creeps into my head. I imagine myself sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and a book. Honestly, it’s not much. It’s a givable moment, most people have the right to drink coffee without an audience and that’s how they do it every day. It’s a simple achievable dream if you think about it. Apparently, it’s not.

So, I wake up carefully like a solider whose life is on guard. I fix my coffee and embrace the ouch, draping a throw around me and settle with a book in my hand. Mind you, I haven’t yet sipped the coffee when I hear the faintest sounds of a cry. The cry increases in pitch and turns into a loud wail. I set my coffee aside (now you know why parents are fond of cold coffee!) and carry my 21-month-old toddler who has successfully dissected the part of my head where I store private thoughts.

She just knows!

And if that is not creepy enough, after a long day when everybody has yawned and stretched like they can’t stay awake for another minute, I let myself dream of having an hour or two for me. And you know how tricky the mind is! it doesn’t stop with one thought ever! Like a spider weaving a web, a thought multiplies into something called – plans.

So, I plan inside my head – an elaborate plan to fill an hour of peace and reading and writing and maybe some binge watching too. After son and husband drop dead sleep, it’s just me and our little girl. She has given me all the signs of being super tired. But she knows she can’t just give in to sleep. Because she has just peeked into my head! My private space is not so private.


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