candid diaries of a dogged mom

Just a month after I had delivered the baby, one summer evening, I sat down with my husband and told him the words, “I’ll have to quit my job. I want to take care of the baby.” While I began to formulate responses inside my head to defend my point on why I thought it was extremely important that I stay home with the baby, in case he disagreed with me citing that it could be a handful if two people earned (the 21 st   century mantra), he looked at me and simply said, “Alright, sounds good to me. You can probably join back later when he is older. ” I was relieved, largely comforted, that I would be able to cater to the needs of my LO right from home and not worry about breast pumping machines, bottles, scheduling my days, splitting my mind between working on my laptop and attending to my newborn, fighting with the guilt feelings of leaving my baby behind, or worrying about daycare settings and so on. As days rolled into months, we realized that I wouldn’t be getting back to w...

For starters, I never wanted to write about this topic. Writing about it would mean ripping my heart open, exposing my deepest fears out into the world. Yet, I decided it was time to talk about it when another woman decided to kill herself instead of simply talking about it. Here is her story- Allison Goldstien, a 32-year-old teacher who was a new mother to a 4-month old baby girl. She had everything going for her, she was beautiful, talented and a great human being. One day, out of the blue, she decided to kill herself. Nobody saw it coming but it is said that she was a victim of PPD- Postpartum depression. When I discussed it with my mom, she blinked – what has depression got to do with being a mother? For someone, who has had an easy motherhood, it is hard to grasp the concept of PPD being very real. Though it is being widely discussed in the US as being a real disease, India is yet to accept its existence. Since ages, it is assumed that because Indian mothers are always help...

It’s been a little over 24 months (counting the pregnancy days as well) since I had a night out, meaning a late night dinner, or a movie night or just a get-together post dinner. A million things change once a baby comes into a couple’s life. In fact, nothing is ever the same. Though I haven’t really found the time (a mom’s clock is now monitored by her baby) to actually ponder over such things, there are these quiet moments of ‘just me and my athletic mind’ in which I sit down and fret over the things that I miss. But I don’t really fuss for too long, because there is always “someone” who needs you almost 24/7 and I have to practically pull myself together every single day to cater to the needs of this little tiny human being who is now the center of my world. Anyway, it so happened that this little human whom I shall call “anklebiter(AB)” because he really bites through anything these days ( his favorite, though, are humans). So, AB must have sensed that I was probably ...

Have you ever felt that you’re losing your mind once you become a mom? Of course, most of us have felt that a dozen times. But has anything like losing things happened to you? Basically, I am not an extremely organized person but I do manage keep my possessions in place. I do end up searching for stuff inside my home most of the times but I always have important things in place, like my wallet, my cards, my mobile and the basic stuff like that. But in the past year, I ended up misplacing things so badly that people around looked at me with a bewildered expression, “Are you really normal? Is this woman nuts?” with my husband telling me, “I should get myself checked.” I laughed at all the comments and went through living my life. Just recently, I dropped my debit card at a parking lot, unaware that I had lost it until I got a call from a random stranger to collect it. As I drove to collect my lost card (which I hadn’t discovered until I got the call), I wondered for the lif...

After my obsession with clothing stores, I discovered my recent obsession when I stepped into a toy store. Within few minutes, my shopping cart was filled with toys which I fiercely believed will contribute to my toddler’s development and growth. I imagined my son playing with all the toys and claimed that he needed to have them, no matter what. Then my husband comes along and puts some sense into me telling that no kid needs so many toys to play with because we all know that kids get bored with toys eventually. I believed this for a long time but I recently realized this – “Toys are essential for babies and toddlers”. It’s the kind of toys that we provide them that matters. The “type” of toy and not the quantity matters. So, I carefully looked at my shopping cart and decided that toy companies would do anything to lure us into buying toys that our children may not need at all. Since a few months, I have researched across the web often and also read a lot of reviews on what kin...

At 15 months, the world around me seems so big and exciting. Did you know how fun it is to watch ants crawl by? Did you know it’s fascinating to chase shadows? Also, it’s amazing to stare at the fan rotating. Do you know it feels awesome to run barefoot on grass? I am simply in love with footwear. I always want to touch them but mommy doesn’t let me. There is something mysterious about it. I know these things don’t excite you because you’re an adult. Most things are boring for an adult. Anyway, that’s not my concern. At 15 months, all I really care is about running about and discovering my abilities. I can walk and run with my two legs. That’s my biggest achievement so far. It’s also fun to watch my mommy and daddy run behind me, trying to get hold of me. I have seen my mommy gasping for breath, asking me to stop and just take a nap so she could relax. I feel sorry for her but there is really nothing I can do about it. I am a toddler. Being adventurous comes naturally to me. ...

While I have written a lot about parenthood that solely talks about mothers and babies, I have overlooked the involvement of fathers. Just as women step into motherhood with a whole new set of transformations, so do the men. But it’s easy to blame them, because they don’t seem to be able to process the simplest of things that women tell them. Yeah, just read further… My husband has been near about perfect and with acceptable flaws, you know how it works, both the partners’ flaws go hand in hand, kind of like a balancing act. But once the baby came, I busied myself into my new role, studying the entire process of babyhood, keeping my wits intact for a demanding baby that seems to grow more demanding as he grows and worrying about his future every single day. Where is the time to actually look at what the husband is going through? Immediately, after the birth of the baby, I don’t even recall if I had actually checked on how my husband was feeling or looking after himsel...